A Collection of Drabbles
by Aussie-Muggle
Summary: Another collection of drabbles written for Artemis Fowl. I read a few that I liked so I thought I'd pitch in.
1. Blonde

A/N: I got bored with maths homework and started writing drabbles.

* * *

Minerva slammed the phone back into the receiver and fumed silently for a few moments.

"What is it?" asked her companion with a frown.

"Artemis Fowl!" snapped Minerva, her French accent more pronounced now that she was angry.

Her companion scowled.

"He is an irritating human, isn't he?" she muttered.

"_He's _not the irritating one..." muttered Minerva. "It's those pompous men on the Nobel Prize Committee."

Her companion raised her eyebrows as though she seriously doubted it.

"The first thing they asked me was if I had help from Artemis! I do not need _help_ from Artemis Fowl! A genius he may be but... _so am I_!"

Her companion nodded knowingly.

"It gets annoying, doesn't it?" she said with a sigh. "Playing second fiddle to egotistical males like Foaly and Fowl?"

Minerva scowled at the pixie standing casually in her laboratory, and examining what she thought were primitive, glass instruments.

"You have no idea, Koboi," she said darkly. "A female and a genius you may be... but you are not _blonde._"


	2. Tooth Fairy: Part One

Holly crept as silently as possible away from Artemis' study. Though it was a nice enough place during the day, Fowl Manor was remarkably sinister in the moonlight.

Something hit the floor with a loud _thunk _and made Holly jump. She spun in the direction of the noise, drawing her Neutrino as she moved.

Five year old, Beckett Fowl had dropped his midnight snack of espresso and treacle onto the floor in shock. Very uncharacteristically, he was ignoring it and starring at Holly.

Holly winced and holstered her Neutrino. It was too late to shield now. Artemis would be upset if she mesmerised his younger brother but what choice did she have?

Before she could speak, Beckett beamed at her.

"Beckett knew it!" he said happily. "Beckett knew the tooth fairy was real!"

Holly smiled despite herself. _She couldn't mesmerise him now…_

"I forgot to come around last time," she said.

She tossed Beckett a gold coin. He wasn't quite up to catching things just yet but quickly picked it off the ground. When he looked again the tooth fairy was gone. Beckett rushed back to the nursery to wake up Myles, the treacle and espresso forgotten.


	3. Tooth Fairy: Part Two

Myles stared at the three foot tall creature escaping into the night through the window.

"I don't believe it," he said faintly. "The…The toothfairy _can't _be real…"

Beckett was smirking.

"You saw her," he said smugly. "The evidense is incontible."

"Incontrovertible," muttered Myles.

"Yeah, that."

Myles slowly trudged back to their nursery. The five year old's pride had taken a beating. Beckett had never been right about anything like this. Myles had been right about Barney, Santa _and _the Easter Bunny.

Beckett followed triumphantly, the infamous Fowl vampire grin plastered on his face. _Who's the simple-toon now?_


	4. Hatred

"Always a pleasure doing business with you, Feral," grinned Professor Elmis, accepted the large satchel of gold from the pixie before him.

Feral withdrew his hand quickly, as though frightened that the underpaid educator before him would infect him with plague. Somewhere backstage, they could hear Foaly swearing as his imperfect iris cam began to smoke. They both fell silent until he moved away.

"I only did what was necessary," said Feral coldly.

Professor Elmis raised an eyebrow.

"Sabotaging your own daughter's career?" he said. "Even to _me _that seems cold."

Feral's eyes darkened.

"Everything she does besmirches the family name. I will not have it."

Professor Elmis nodded his understanding. He had been a professor for many years and it made perfect sense to him.

"Here," said Professor Elmis, handing Feral the gleaming Science Medal. "You're about to make one centaur very happy."

Feral gingerly accepted the medal from Elmis and headed onstage to make his longwinded speech and to announce the winner of the competition. When Elmis had left with his heavy satchel of gold, Opal emerged from the shadows, holding the prototype of her wing design, trembling from head to toe.

As she stood behind the velvet curtains and watched a stunned but overjoyed Foaly accept the Science Medal from her father, Opal's tiny hands curled themselves into fists.

_So this is hatred..._


	5. Distressing Damsel

A/N: Credit to the title goes to the one and only Captain Jack.

For the first time in a long time, Artemis didn't know what to do. A maniac, who was apparently the brother of Julius Root, had a knife to Holly's throat. Holly was badly injured and hung almost limply in Turnball's arms.

"I knew you'd come for her, human," sneered Turnball. "I knew you couldn't leave a lady in distress."

Holly's eyes darkened. Lady in distress?

Artemis would have grinned if the situation wasn't so dire. He knew what was coming even if Turnball did not.

Summoning all the strength she could muster, Holly slammed her elbow into Turnball's solar plexus. Turnball left out a gasp of mingled pain and surprise. Taking advantage of his temporary weakness, Holly knocked the knife out of Turnball's hands and knocked him out with a fist to the head.

Turnball sunk like a stone. Holly was tempted to follow suit but managed to keep on her feet. Now that Holly was out of danger, Artemis allowed himself a wolfish grin and strode towards her. Partly because she could barely walk and partly because he knew it would annoy her, Artemis swept her off her feet and headed towards the medi-warlocks... earning himself a scuff across the head.


	6. Mixed Messages

While the Extinctionist watched, hungry for blood, Artemis winked at Holy through the bars of her cage.

_Any chance of another kiss later?_ the wink said.

Holly fumed. _That obnoxious little..._

She was going to _murder_ that mudboy if they ever got out of this.


	7. Exercise: Part One

Artemis cleared his throat. Juliet, who was visiting Fowl Manor for Christmas, stopped decimating her punching bag and looked at him curiously.

"Morning Juliet," said Artemis with perfect composure.

Juliet frowned. Artemis seldom interrupted her training unless he had a good reason. He wasn't here for a friendly chat.

"Morning," she said suspiciously. "Do you need something, Arty?"

Artemis' brow creased momentarily when Juliet used his pet name but other than that he showed no sign of emotion.

"I have a proposal for you, Juliet," he said in a very stiff, business-like manner.

Juliet couldn't help it. It was too strange listening to the eighteen year old in front of her speak like an old man. She let out a laugh but managed to stop before Artemis could give her one of his icy glares.

"We're friends, Arty," she said, rolling her eyes. "You can just ask me for a favour."

Artemis fidgeted with his suit.

"Yes... well... can you do me a favour?" he muttered, struggling to hide his discomfort.

Juliet resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. Artemis was trying to be a normal teenager... she didn't want to make him feel too uncomfortable.

"Sure," she said brightly.

Artemis took a deep breath before speaking.

"Would you... would you be able to..."

He seemed to be struggling with his words... a very strange thing for Artemis Fowl to do.

"_Teach me_," he said finally.

Juliet blinked. _What on earth could she teach Artemis that he didn't know already?_ Artemis sensed her confusion and looked meaningly at the punching bag. Juliet stared at Artemis.

"Did you... get into a fight in school?" she asked, trying to hide the shock from her voice.

Artemis scowled.

"Don't be preposterous," he muttered, suddenly turning scarlet. "Mother thinks I need more exercise and martial arts involve a great deal of movement."

Juliet smirked. Artemis could lie about a great many things without detection but there was only one subject that made him blush.

"You could have asked my brother," said Juliet knowingly.

Artemis' face turned a darker shade of red as he muttered something about not wanting to ask Butler. Juliet's smirk grew more pronounced. So Butler knew the girl Artemis was trying to impress.

"Well, you're going to have to find something else to wear," said Juliet casually. "You're not going to not going to get much _exercise_ in a suit."


	8. Exercise: Part Two

Juliet walked sheepishly out of the Fowl's spare bedroom and make-shift gym. She could still hear Artemis from outside, cursing in several different languages including Spanish, Tamil and plenty of German.

Butler, who was doing his usual rounds, stopped outside the spare bedroom and grimaced.

"He's still at it?" he asked.

Juliet and Butler winced. Judging from what they could hear, the punching bag was fighting back and had knocked Artemis to the ground again. Sometimes even Artemis hated Physics.

"You have to give him credit for trying," said Juliet with sigh. "Do you know the girl he's going to all this trouble for?"

There were a few more dull thuds from inside the room.

"_D'Arvit_!" shouted Artemis suddenly. "D'Arvitczy Kelp...kahk cowpóg..."

Artemis began muttering darkly. Juliet frowned. He was apparently pretending the punching bag was someone named _Kelp_. Butler's mouth twitched into something that could have been a smile.

"I can guess," he said.


	9. Competition

Competition

It is said that in your last moments, your life flashes before your eyes. It was not a hypothesis that Minerva had ever felt particularly inclined to test but now, as her life ebbed away from her, she saw the truth of it.

No matter how hard she tried, Minerva had always been second best to Artemis. Although she was well aware how inaccurate those IQ tests were, it still disturbed her that Artemis beat her by three points. Artemis was had three years of experience that she did not and as a result; Artemis was always the first to achieve a seemingly impossible feat.

When they were dating, it didn't seem so important. There was no competition because they were always working together. Two genii were better than one. Artemis may have befriended the People first but Minerva was happy that they accepted her at all.

However, as they continued to share adventures, Artemis became closer and closer to the People... to one elf in particular. While Minerva and Artemis could talk about quantum physics and the complexity of the human mind, this female could talk for hours to Artemis about nothing in particular and still bring a smile to his face.

Minerva's old feelings of inadequacy returned. She could not compete with Holly Short.

Minerva and Artemis continued their friendship but the competition resumed. Minerva struggled to prove that she wasn't simply the other genius, the other girl. She created an elaborate plan to defeat Opal Koboi once and for all.

She didn't plan on dying in the process. Artemis was mumbling some nonsense about her wounds being superficial. She tried to scoff but it hurt too much. _Superficial indeed. Did he get his Medical Degree out of a cereal box?_

She wanted to say something important. She thought of her father and Beau... but she already knew that Artemis would take care of them. She was frightened of leaving them, of entering the great unknown, but then it occurred to her that it was something even Artemis had not accomplished. She had read very little about Death and now she was strangely curious of what she would find.

"There you have it, Artemis Fowl," she whispered, raising her hand to touch his cheek. "I finally beat you to something."

A/N: You guys are always so hard on Minerva... all she ever did was be a little bit of a Mary Sue.


	10. Ethics

"Opal," muttered Foaly, after a long pause. "I think this has gone too far."

Opal looked up at Foaly in surprise. Foaly picked up one of the many tin foil hats off her desk.

"I know we need the money for the science fair but isn't this..." Foaly waved the hat in front of her, "a little _unethical?_"

Opal crossed her arms and gave him the cross look usually reserved for her Professors when they say something particularly idiotic.

"How so?" she demanded.

"_How so?_" repeated Foaly in disbelief. "Opal...we're selling people these hats and they don't work."

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

Foaly crossed his arms. Opal was as paranoid as he was but she certainly wasn't stupid.

"Assuming the human intelligence agencies actually can read our minds," he said dryly, "why would tin foil succeed when thousands of metres of rock have failed?"

Opal only smiled and put one of the hats on Foaly's head.

"Because Foaly... I made them."


End file.
